A road trip (down memory lane)

For us, England was dusk. Everyday arriving in a new strange town, always just slowing down for the day - when we were wanting to get to know it, it was getting ready to curl up into bed. But I don't remember that ever being a bad thing, for the few things we might have missed out on, I mostly remember the feeling of calm and reflection. Every day ended slow and sleepy. And always content. 

*All this talk of England has me reminiscing my trip to the UK with my husband in 2011. We hired a car in Edinburgh and over the three weeks travelled all the way down to the south of England, and back up to London. It was spring and gorgeous and with so much to see we moved on nearly every day. Our travel was fast paced, but somehow the mood was slow and leisurely. We daydream about it often. Thought I’d share some of my photos while Chantelle is getting over her jet lag and presumably taking ridiculous amounts of photos of her own which I can’t wait to see!

PS - apologies, again. Promising a week of blogging then have both of us run away to situations with dodgy internet access was a bit shortsighted… doing my best to figure that one out!

Hxl;

A Letter (to my little darling...)

A letter to my little darling...

You are my little darling, you make me smile just at the thought of your smile. I miss you when I am not there! I have been there since you were born. I have rocked you to sleep with my cheek pressed against yours for the last 18 months. I saw your umbilical cord fall off. I remember when you first smiled at me it completely melted my heart and I wished I could stay in that moment forever (although I think it was wind). I remember when I first felt like I really knew you, like you where a little person with a wonderful sense of humour just from the moving of your hand. We have sat with our foreheads touching just to be closer. I was there to watch you first hold a toy, shake your legs, roll over, make a small mouse like noise. I shared your first christmas with you. I have settled you too many times to count. I remember when you would cuddle in like a koala and grab at my neck. You brought me happiness when I had none! I remember when you first recognised my voice. I have sat up with you while you thought it was play time at 3am. I have kissed you so much you pushed me away. We have had bubble fights and played pick a boo for too long. We have giggled over blowing raspberries. I saw you sit up, crawl and walk for the first time. I was there when you needed me and you were there when I needed you. You have run at me from down the hallway for a big squeeze. You have cried when I have left you, even if it was just to go to the toilet. You have given me so many kisses that I wouldn't get anything done, if I let you keep going. I have rocked side to side when I am not with you. I have talked about you at dinner with others wishing I would stop. You have taught me and I have taught you. We have shared every story, adventure, milestone, happiness and sadness. We have sat in silence and we have played in a cloud of noise. I have looked into your eyes and you have looked back into mine. You love me and I love you.

I can't possibly imagine my life without you in it. But I have to. I am not your mummy. You have a wonderful, generous, loving, amazing, very capable mummy. I am not your mummy, I am your nanny. But I love you like I am your mummy, a love that will be with me for a life time. I will always remember this time together but you won't. You will always know you love me, you may not know why, but I will. People say the love of your own is so much greater but I simply can't imagine a love greater than ours. It stretches a million miles. I could feel happy forever knowing that I love you. Just incase I am not privileged enough to have my own, thank you for being everything and more. If I know what love is my darling it is because of you!

....

This week was a hard week! I love my job but let me say again and again - this job is not for the faint hearted! It is my job to love and care for the angels I am trusted with and then it is my job to gently say goodbye when it is time! To my fellow nannies, I salute you! To others who may not quite understand the bonds we create and the roles we play I hope this can give you even a small insight.

Love C x

H's weigh in...
I'm glad to have witnessed first hand, through Chan, the role that nannies play. Because I think it might be easy to misunderstand from the outside. "Not for the faint hearted" - that is exactly how I would describe the role of a Nanny. And not just that, but for the very big hearted. The super kind, generous brave sort. Because I can only image the strength it would take to welcome a little person into your world and heart, give them your all and know you will have to let go of their hand sometime. Breaks my heart thinking about it. But what a privilege too. 

An Apology (and a week long celebration…)

Apologies, friends. We both feel terrible for letting this little blog of ours slide a bit. Full steam ahead it was on launch day, full of promise and plans and excitement - woohoo!! …. then life threw us a pile, no MOUNTAIN, of other "to dos". With the work on the Our Full House website, and so many personal/work projects going on, we've been struggling to find the time we really want to dedicate to this space... let alone the energy.

But hang in there precious readers, because we have so much to share, as soon as we can! And to try and make it up to you, we have a week's worth of blogging lined up, brought on by a little (read: MAJOR!!) upcoming change for one of us… Chan is moving to London! 

…(Hello it’s me… Chan. So yes, as H said, MAJOR changes! I am off to London, in fact I am moving tomorrow! That is crazy! It has been a big emotional week for me. I have had the task of training the “new me” and the ‘heart hurting’ goodbyes have started. Specifically the goodbye to my current nanny babies and their parents. I can tell you one thing, this job is not for the faint hearted, oh how our hearts fell out and were stepped on this week. My job as a nanny is something I am proud of, something I know to be very valued by the families who have had someone work with them in their homes. I will be talking more about this later in the week, so keep an eye out. For those of you wondering why? Why the move….. well it's pretty simple… because I can! There are so many more experiences to be had and lessons to be learnt so I am going to find them! )…

So in celebration/anticipation/mourning we thought we'd spend the next week getting our Brit on and also share some things going on in this big week of transitions. So go ahead and wave those Union Jacks in the air like you just don’t care, sit back and enjoy! (and please join in anytime!)

Also, can I add, that in our struggles, we have at least discovered one thing - we most definitely want this to be a place of positivity but also authenticity (hence no forcing of posts here this last fortnight). Raw honesty is something that we believe in and love from other bloggers so we here by pledge to keep it real on here folks. So in the spirit of all that, to prove our commitment - here are some honest to god, real #nofilter selfies of us today, spelling out the real shit of the day. Enjoy. x 

Love H&C

H - “Gee how lucky I am that the dermatitis 

on my eyelids replaces the need for eyeshadow. Win!”

C - “I’m living on the dregs of packing leftovers 

and have nothing to wear. My bra is a bikini…”

Why you shouldn't eat Mexican on a Wednesday!

Why you shouldn't eat Mexican on a Wednesday…. The reality of a day gone wrong in a house with 4 children and 3 adults!

{A couple of things… Now this, as you can probably guess, happened on a different Wednesday, way back last year actually, but things have gotten in the road of me sharing it so far - it’s still a very entertaining story! And incase you didn’t know Mexican Monday is our weekly date with Mexican fare for dinner, it is very popular and maybe I’ll share more about it some day. Arriba!! }

It was the day that Mexican monday just happened to be a wednesday and tantrum tuesday arrived unusually late for a change! It was quite a lovely start to the morning,  I had my coffee before school run and headed to the shops child free to kick start the Christmas shopping. Then we made the decision to keep the exhausted end of the year child home from our usual Wednesday night activity which meant no running around and a smooth bed time! WRONG !

Something different happened this Wednesday morning... I made the decision to have Mexican on a Wednesday... yes on a Wednesday, now that is a big step, it's not like it went from Mexican Monday to Taco Tuesday.. it was a Wednesday! Oh well, seriously what could go wrong? It’s our favourite meal!

I got home and unpacked the groceries... pleasant, then I put on the Mexican pulled pork to slow cook for 6 hours. Pleasant. In fact I even added something new today (maybe that pushed it over the limit). We went outside to enjoy the summer sunshine and take a quick dip before a lovely warm bath and nap time.... all very pleasant!

Fast forward 2 hours and it’s time to go from two children to four again. Pick up goes ok, we are all tired but woohoo it’s Mexican for dinner and everyone is happy! Off we head to the post office to finalise passports. I have been checking, double checking and triple checking them for weeks to make sure we have them right. But when it is time to submit we have something we don't need and we don't have something we do need.... GREAT! I walk all four children down to get a sushi snack, this will be great everyone can eat (food in mouths means no fighting). I take that back, not so great after all... rice all over the floor, pushing, fighting and no more sushi! We make a run for it, only to get in the car to realise, we have forgotten the golf club that is being used as a ninja sword to fight off the "baddies"! How will we possibly survive the apocalypse now! And one child has found a lollie, opened it and is eating it in front of the others.... here we go.

Argh .... we are home! Surely that is it... no more nonsense for today. Ooops I spoke too soon! Toddler is sent to his room for being rude and throwing the said "baddies” stick flying out of the car when the door is opened. Time to start lunches for tomorrow and get the Mexican pulled pork out, so we can all eat and enjoy each other's company with this lovely afternoon weather, who wouldn't want to? But wait lets have a snack right before dinner.... "No not now, dinner is almost ready... it's Mexican!" Wow a roar is let out! The lollie culprit is sent to her room to rethink her tone. Then I feel something wet roll down my cheek... what is this? Holy moly ... its a tear! An 8 year old just made me cry..... or maybe it was that we are having Mexican on a wednesday.. I am telling you don’t do it! Honestly I am crying, its all too much today, four children fighting, end of the year and so much to be organised in such little time. Its all ok now though, because its time to sit down play "whats the favourite part of your day" and enjoy the delicious Mexican for today! SERIOUSLY WRONG!!!

We sit down.... our "baddies" fighter is having a rather hypo day, after multiple attempts to make him sit still the ultimate threat is made "Sit down now or you will be off to bed without your dessert". The teething one year old is so frustrated we have corn, pork, cheese, and water everywhere! Two decide to leave the table unannounced, which ended up in a kerfuffle and one was sent off to have a shower and get ready for bed in a crying stomping mess. The dearest teething child cons her way out of her high chair, just to throw herself on the ground and make a scene, before very kindly asking for a cuddle. Meanwhile the "baddie" fighter is still arguing over why he can't have dessert if he doesn't eat his dinner. All four have barely touched the Mexican we all love so much and we haven't played "What is the favourite part of your day". I am quite glad I wasn't asked to play this evening. Between crying and trying to eat I’m not sure I could have gotten the words out!

Now it’s time for everything to really go up in smoke...... One year old screaming unless held, Four year old not quite sure how to grasp the idea of no dessert, eight year old a screaming mess "I bet you all hate me" and pre-teen totally unaware of his surroundings. Ok bed time.. but wait since the one year old threw their food everywhere they are still hungry. Here is your yoghurt little darling..... tantrum thrown... yoghurt everywhere and screaming recommences. Bottles made.... children crying, cuddles being dished out left right and centre, the totally exhausted, teething, sick, emotional bunch of them! My boss turns on Clair de Lune all children are tucked in before 6:30 (minus our pre-teen... that would be totally useless to everyones well being).

Silence......... tip toeing from the bedroom to the kitchen..... pre-teen happily doing his home work... I repeat happily. SILENCE

As my boss poured us both a 'bucket' like glass of wine we sighed and looked relieved. Just feel the sense of relief falling over us both....

For about one minute..... Oops I forgot the teething year old is still teething, it was never going to be as easy as that! I manage to get a load of washing on before committing myself to rocking duties to help the little chicken off to sleep. When I return from what is the longest I have ever rocked her for the washing is done (yes that long). Now its wine time!!!!!

Hooray!

Turning my head I see the pile of dishes, the unmade lunches, that Mexican pulled pork staring at me, oh and the dogs... I better feed the dogs! Our pre-teen needs help with his homework, we have no uniforms yet for tomorrow, oh and the chickens .... well they can wait!!!!

I can’t stress it enough.... do not eat Mexican on a Wednesday! It will throw you all out of whack!

But it’s all ok because in the morning they will open their eyes looking very cute of course and have no idea about the drama of the night before and heres hoping neither to we!

Goodnight!

C x

Ps - Once I get over the trauma I may just thank them for this writing material, maybe!

..........

H's weigh in...
I have nothing to say, but that I often wonder what a day with four kids is like.... How do they do it? How do they survive the day?! ...Thanks for the honesty sis, and for at least offering up some comic relief!! Ha!

Live Life or Capture It?

Something that has been on my mind for some time is a debate I would say most people have with themselves regularly. Should we enjoy the moment or is it 'ok' to capture it? Do I watch this event through the screen of my phone or camera so that I can relive it or do I just enjoy the moment and hope my memory holds up? It feels like a question that needs to be answered.

 

I spend my days mostly in the company of children, so there are plenty of moments I wish would last forever but they don't. When I don't catch the moment on camera, I often later wish I had. So I doubt myself. But then there are the moments that only happen once, that I never managed to capture but they've stayed with me anyway. So what's the difference? It makes me wonder, does my memory know to work harder when I haven't captured it? And know when I'm aloud to forget it?

Many new mums have the moment when they profusely thank their Mother (or apologise for all the years of pain!). I am not a Mother, but as a Nanny to 4 children, I have these moments day in and day out!  I grew up in a house where our mum had the video camera at the ready and her commentary perfected. For this I am so grateful, I can still hear my grandparents voices and remember all the amazing memories that my parents created for us ! The more I write the more I realise how much I have to say is influenced by her!  She is the queen of happy mediums, the "it all works out in the wash" statement preacher ! So, as always, taking on my mothers wise words, I have created a way to decide whether I should "live life, or capture it".

The Happy Medium - What is more important?

1 - Is this something I really need to be present for? This is simple really, is the person on the other end of the capturing going to be upset, if I watch through my camera? Or further more, are you? No one ever wants to only remember something through the lens of a camera rather than in real life! Imagine showing off your photos from the Grand Canyon when getting home and not actually remember seeing it yourself.

2 - Is this a  'never again event'? Sometimes these 'events' need to just be taken in, so this can be a tricky one. Ask yourself; is this the only chance I have to get this on video?  Will I regret not having a copy?

3 - Be realistic, ask yourself;  is this something you would never re-watch but would value more through your own eyes? Regardless of it being a one off or a regular occurrence.

Notes if you have time to consider it;
-Will it bring me joy? If I take this image/video will I enjoy looking back at it.
- Do a bit of both! Take some unnecessary images, who cares!
- Recognise what can't be captured. Sometimes there is just no point, an image just doesn't do it justice.
- Everything in moderation. I have over 100 photos of my grandparents standing beside the signs that say "Welcome to ....." from every holiday they went on. Don't do this! Your family won't know what to do with them and they are irrelevant down the track.

I recently went to New Zealand. It was the most spectacular place. I took plenty of photos, but this was the first time I really put into place my new found way to answer this debate! The reality is sometimes you just can't capture a moment or do it justice.

I acknowledge that some of these moments happen so quickly you don't have the time to go through 'pros' and 'cons'. Don't think too hard about it or try to take the perfect image, otherwise you may be creating a moment that isn't authentic, just capture it and move on! In the end just remember that it doesn't matter if you can't capture it, you were there, you were present in that moment anyway. I still take plenty of images and videos and have to cull regularly, but I am learning and slowly making this a new habit. So that I can both live life AND capture it!

Happy snapping!

Ps - All the images in this post are authentic, they are all moments that I knew I wanted to capture! Moments that meant something and that I would look back on with joy. Look at my little nanny baby giving me a hug! I am inundated with hugs daily but just this once I wanted to capture it! I never want to forget my feelings in that moment, and that's a photo I will never regret taking!

Love C x

Hoarding and Sorting

Image by Bartholomew Cooke

Somewhere in that strange period between Christmas and New Year, where I lose track of days - because surely it's still Christmas but we are wishing each other ‘Happy New Year’ instead now? Righto! - where my body is still in food coma mode but my mind is buzzing with “crapsicles, its nearly NEXT YEAR already?!” - I got a chance to do a little spring (summer?!) cleaning of my office. You really can’t tell. It still kind of looks like the long forgotten storage room at the back of the house that SHALL NOT BE ENTERED. But I promise I got some stuff sorted, however much mess is still waiting to be dealt with. 

Like many people, the new year for me brings on an urge to get organised. Or at least a little bit of breathing space after all the rush of last minute present wrapping and baking of the week before. Or a good dose of guilt.  Probably a healthy combination of all. So I satisfied that urge just a little by tackling the disfunction in my work space. 

And boy were there some goodies to be found, it’s no wonder I’m out of room. The list of ridiculous things I’ve been stashing away to sort out ‘some day’ goes on and on. There were piles of blank CDs that I really would never use - with cd folders (really?). CASSETTES!! Old oil paints with their lids dried shut. Boxes from items that will never go back to their boxes (that was a big aha moment for me). There was a spring from a broken pen chucked in there for goodness sake!! And I finally went through that embarrassing bag of paperwork from I won’t say how many years ago… but it included some bank statements of my husband's, back from when he was still my boyfriend if that gives you any clue.

After making many valuable discoveries like these, I had to face the truth, and I’ll level with you guys so you can keep me honest with myself ok? ….. I have hoarding tendencies. Now, It’s not that bad. I’m not fearful I will end up on next seasons “Hoarder next door” * Because balancing out my collecting habits is my love of a good purge - I can regularly swing strongly between “KEEP ALL THE THINGS!!!!”  and  “GET RID OF ALL THE THINGS!!!!”. I don’t know what you call a half hoarder, half minimalist - but that’s me.

It’s clear though, looking at this list I found, that I certainly have some habits to break: the first eight I am guilty of. EIGHT!  (Though I’m not convinced how accurate this list is. I’m quite sure those are just completely regular things that all regular, perhaps slightly disorganised, people do. Right?! )

I like to think that a lot of the (other) things I own are very useful, so I am aiming to cull the unnecessary (see-ya, old packaging) and the ridiculous (the pen springs and such….) and then organise it all so that it’s easy to access and actually USE. Enter the pinterest organisation tips stalking. Here are some of the things I’ve found that I may or may not put to good use this year. I’ve listed them in case anybody else is after some handy tips to get their New Years organising resolution under way (and good luck to you!!). We have also been collecting ideas on our Pinterest board if you’re interested in any more ideas!

....

Camille Styles' Gorgeous Office

- Now I fully intend to get on this “Marie Kondo” band wagon the whole world is excited about - but deadlines and, you know, LIFE are keeping that well at bay for the foreseeable future - so intention is what I’ll hold onto for now. Perhaps you can give it a go first and let me know how it goes?

- Start small

- THIS is something I need to tackle, my photos are a mess, and I know I’m not alone. Maybe next year? ;) 

- Oh THAT’s why…. 

- The Organised Housewife - That sounds nothing like me. But there so many ideas here I don't know where to start.

- And for the craft stash

 - I am a massive Kikki K fan. And happily they have a pile of gorgeousness on sale right now to get you sorted.

Happy resolutioning!

H x

* not to make light of the genuine struggle that those with a serious hoarding disorder or their families face. That’s no joke.