You are my little darling, you make me smile just at the thought of your smile. I miss you when I am not there! I have been there since you were born. I have rocked you to sleep with my cheek pressed against yours for the last 18 months. I saw your umbilical cord fall off. I remember when you first smiled at me it completely melted my heart and I wished I could stay in that moment forever (although I think it was wind). I remember when I first felt like I really knew you, like you where a little person with a wonderful sense of humour just from the moving of your hand. We have sat with our foreheads touching just to be closer. I was there to watch you first hold a toy, shake your legs, roll over, make a small mouse like noise. I shared your first christmas with you. I have settled you too many times to count. I remember when you would cuddle in like a koala and grab at my neck. You brought me happiness when I had none! I remember when you first recognised my voice. I have sat up with you while you thought it was play time at 3am. I have kissed you so much you pushed me away. We have had bubble fights and played pick a boo for too long. We have giggled over blowing raspberries. I saw you sit up, crawl and walk for the first time. I was there when you needed me and you were there when I needed you. You have run at me from down the hallway for a big squeeze. You have cried when I have left you, even if it was just to go to the toilet. You have given me so many kisses that I wouldn't get anything done, if I let you keep going. I have rocked side to side when I am not with you. I have talked about you at dinner with others wishing I would stop. You have taught me and I have taught you. We have shared every story, adventure, milestone, happiness and sadness. We have sat in silence and we have played in a cloud of noise. I have looked into your eyes and you have looked back into mine. You love me and I love you.
I can't possibly imagine my life without you in it. But I have to. I am not your mummy. You have a wonderful, generous, loving, amazing, very capable mummy. I am not your mummy, I am your nanny. But I love you like I am your mummy, a love that will be with me for a life time. I will always remember this time together but you won't. You will always know you love me, you may not know why, but I will. People say the love of your own is so much greater but I simply can't imagine a love greater than ours. It stretches a million miles. I could feel happy forever knowing that I love you. Just incase I am not privileged enough to have my own, thank you for being everything and more. If I know what love is my darling it is because of you!
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This week was a hard week! I love my job but let me say again and again - this job is not for the faint hearted! It is my job to love and care for the angels I am trusted with and then it is my job to gently say goodbye when it is time! To my fellow nannies, I salute you! To others who may not quite understand the bonds we create and the roles we play I hope this can give you even a small insight.
Love C x
H's weigh in...
I'm glad to have witnessed first hand, through Chan, the role that nannies play. Because I think it might be easy to misunderstand from the outside. "Not for the faint hearted" - that is exactly how I would describe the role of a Nanny. And not just that, but for the very big hearted. The super kind, generous brave sort. Because I can only image the strength it would take to welcome a little person into your world and heart, give them your all and know you will have to let go of their hand sometime. Breaks my heart thinking about it. But what a privilege too.
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