I have been through too many 'goodbyes' in my quarter century, however I feel I have learnt more from those of the children I have cared for than I have my own. Being a nanny I have experienced first hand how hard it is to face a goodbye and I have seen how hard children find it to understand. Of course as they get older they know it is just something we must accept and they can often deal with it better than some adults. Younger children undoubtably deal with it a lot different and often are affected by it later on. I consider it part of my job to help ease this, especially if the 'goodbye' comes from me.
If someone was to ask me what my job is I would answer; It is my job to come into a family or child/children's life/lives and be an influence, teach them things they didn't know, help them learn lessons in another way, give them other ways to deal with changes and growth and to love them. This is why I do what I do. So when it is time for me to part ways with a family I have had to be able to come up with an explanation. The best way for me to describe it is that I am off to give the same to another family, I came in to help, I talk about all the things we achieved and let them know it is someone else's turn to learn from me and their turn to learn from someone new also. It makes you a bigger, better, more a knowledgable person.
We all step out into new adventures and they make us people who can handle the world and what will happen in the future. How lucky we are to have so many influences in life, how much more will we know compared to others? Now this may sound all too "adult" for children but trust me they understand what we mean and we find a way to tell them so that they do. Maybe with the exception of babies of course, although make sure you have a real goodbye; believe it or not they will know you are not there.
Often a nanny comes on board when a change happens within a family, maybe there is a new baby arriving, mum is going back to work full time or the current nanny is off to another post so it is important to give the children time to understand and transition. This is certainly helpful in the nanny field however this is for everyone, grandparents moving away, parents moving out of the home, friends moving away. And maybe this will even help you when saying goodbye as an adult.
A quick note to you all; For the sake of our little humans and sometimes ourselves... Remember "see you soon" is a much nicer notion to introduce your children to than goodbye. Most of our "goodbyes" are not permanent so why make it feel that way?! (with the sad exception of passing of course).
Here we go;
1 - Time . We all need time to adjust to anything and we also need time to grieve or process. Children are the same. Often we forget that no matter how small, they know what is going on, and often before we do or are willing to admit it. Be fair to them, give them the time they need, let them feel all of the emotions of the change or the impending change. How many times do you hear of children who show signs of distress well and truly after an event and it is all related? Too much! We want to protect them but sometimes we go too far, so just remember how you would want to be treated in the situation and do the same for them. Don't ignore the situation, help them face it just enough to deal with it. Face your children with confidence on the change so that they know it will all be ok, you are to be their crutch in this, guide them through!
2 - Understanding . We all need something to relate to, so before you mention anything have a think about what you want to say to help them understand. For example I recently told my nanny children from my last position something that I knew they could relate to. We have always talked about stories of travel, in the car I tell stories without saying who they are about and they are real, they include travel, family, adventure and then at the end we guess who it was! Of course they always contain me but who else they wonder?! When I was telling them I had to go and they asked why, the first thing I said was "I am running low on stories to share in the car and need to go find some more wonderful adventures to turn into stories for you all"
This was specific to me as I am travelling and working overseas. However, I am positive you can all find a way to integrate it into their lives, like they are involved in the process and you were considering them. The understanding goes both ways, they need to understand why the change is occurring and you need to understand how they are feeling about it. So take your time and get this part right, it is the foundation for acceptance of the situation.
3 - Reassurance . Children have a wonderful way of pulling on our heart strings and there is a reason for that. We are here to give them reassurance that we understand, are here and that we are not really going anywhere. Change is normal, change is part of life and we grow from these experiences. They will forget the reason why over and over again and although you may feel like a broken record, it is your job to reassure them. Remember they are only little humans, growing and learning from these experiences. So let them grow, let them feel their emotions and help them through it all, because one day they will be strong big humans and you will be proud!
Happy changing, explaining, growing, accepting and living everyone!
C x
No comments:
Post a Comment